How to raise a disciplined child
It is ironic, but children also need order and rules of behavior - they are expected. Execution of written and unwritten laws of human existence makes life a little human understandable, predictable, creates a sense of security. Parents familiar situation when their child was just a baby, being away from home in a foreign place, starts to play up, crying and calm down, only returning home to familiar surroundings.
Doroslishayuchy, children intuitively feel that the parental "no" latent concern about their safety and well-being. Under the present conditions, when most parents work hard to provide family, children from such families often regret that parents allow them too much, even that which is forbidden to others. They are motivated by the fact that parents just do not care for them. However, the question arises: why children feeling zahyschenishymy under older established order and a clear regulatory rules while trying to raise those procedures and rules? There are many reasons, but most importantly - kids really do not rebel against their own rules and requirements, and against means of "enforcing" that is, against the strong-arm tactics, actions against authoritarian parents. So try to answer another question: how parents find ways to nurture conflict-discipline a child?
Renowned psychologist Julia Gippenreiter formulated several rules that help parents establish and maintain a non-conflict discipline children in the family. That said, rules about rules.
The first rule
In the life of every child must have to exist certain restrictions, requirements, prohibitions, ie rules. It is useful to remember those parents who want to avoid family conflicts, trying to minimize upset child. As a result, they pander kapryzuvannyam requirements of the child.
The second rule
Restrictions, requirements, prohibitions, that rules should not be too much and they must be flexible. Compliance with this rule prevents parents from other extremes - education in the spirit of "crackdown" or authoritarian style.
Both rules, taken together, suggest that there are parents a sense of proportion, their special wisdom in resolving issues regarding "possible" and "impossible" in the relationship with children. Find a balance between indulgence and authoritarian parents help the image of four colored zones of the child's behavior: green, yellow, orange and red. The idea of ??these zones be world famous American scientist and psychologist X. Dzhaynothu. We interpret it according to a given problem.
In the green zone belongs all that is allowed to the child by choice or desire. For example, what subjects and what games to play, what to do before (go for a walk or do homework), whom friends and anyone with friends, invite friends to visit.
Of course, not all parents agree on such an experiment, and their concern is understandable, but repeated day after day, their excitement, desire total regulation of children's lives are becoming burdensome both for themselves and for the children.
Yellow Zone - this area "relative freedom" where the child is at and act on their own choice, but "certain limits", in other words, it can solve itself, but subject to the established rules. For example, you can allow your child to sit for lessons when she so desires, but quit just at eight pm. You can walk in the yard, but most will not go.
Yellow Zone is very important: it is here that the child learns to internal discipline mechanism "outside-in", namely: first, parents help the child to restrain impulses, be prudent and learn to control themselves is through rules and regulations, elaborated in the family. Gradually, getting used to the rules, the child begins to perform them without much stress. However, this will occur only in those cases where the implementation of the rules does not cause permanent conflicts between adult and child.
Therefore, conflict-free child adoption requirements and restrictions should be subject to constant parental care. Parents should in every case calmly, but briefly explain what caused their requirement necessarily stressing that it remains a child for her free choice. If children feel a sense of respect for their freedom and independence, they are easier to perceive parental restrictions.
In the orange zone are the following: the child who did the parents not approved, but under special circumstances in certain circumstances permitted. For example, the child goes to bed every night at ten o'clock, but the day's favorite football team is playing a match in the UEFA Cup. Game starts at nine pm and ends late. Or Anniversary grandmother, who lives in the suburbs, falls on weekdays and the whole family went to congratulate yuvilyarku. Of course, the day of the soccer game kid falls much later and birthday grandma miss classes at school, which in other cases, parents are not allowed.
It is known that the exception only proves the rule. Parents should not be afraid of such exceptions, if they are really rare and justified. Under these conditions the children were very grateful to my parents for what they are to meet their desires and needs and are willing to adhere to the standards in other situations.
Finally, in the last red zone are of a child is unacceptable under any circumstances - a parent categorical "no" from which there are no exceptions. The child has to realize that, for example, beat the weak, break created by others, to someone else, swearing, lying and whatnot - not ever. The list of "impossible" grows with the child and attach it to the serious moral norms and social prohibitions.
Thus, all areas combined, indicate that rule differs from the rule. And parents can always find a "middle ground" between the willingness to understand the child and be firm, between flexibility and inflexibility in the education discipline his son or daughter.
The third rule
Parental demands should not have conflict with important needs of the child. Yes, very often parental "no" concerns over children's activities: not much to run, jump, climb trees and fences, thrown stones, paint everywhere, loud scream and laugh more. Do not allow it and whatnot child - still trying to dam flowing rivers, because all the above is a very important feature for the development of children's individual needs - in movement, cognition, reposition.
Parents should guide children's overactive in a safe direction: you can "explore" puddle, but in high boots and you can make out the clock, but defective, play football as possible and necessary, but not in the room and away from neighboring windows, even throwing stones at the target possible if no one is nearby.
Since the 10-11-years, communication with peers is very important for children. Children gather in groups large and small, are increasingly spend time away from home, more into account the opinions of peers than parents.
To prevent complications, the parents should be very careful in its prohibitions "not accept", "do not walk" "do not wear". The fact that in this age of the child is often perceived parenting ban as a threat to its status, she is afraid to be a "black sheep", the subject of ridicule, be inadmissible friends. And if one shaltsi weights - place a child among peers, and the second - the parental "no", it is likely to outweigh the former. Parents have to be patient, tolerant and even philosophical approach to the problem, so calmly, with the understanding perceive teenage manner of dress, slang, musical preferences, hairstyles, etc..
Psychologists compare this period in the lives of children with age-related infectious diseases: All pick up, all suffer more or less serious form, and after a period of convalescence. But should parents start conflicts with these drives - and contact with the child, its credibility will be lost, ruined discipline. Much better if adults will focus on educating the children in general, eternal values: honesty, diligence, generosity, respect for personality more. It is important to not only verbally educate them in the child, but also to dispose of these qualities in the relationship with the child what she expects from parents and hoped to get.
The fourth rule
Restrictions, requirements, prohibitions should be consistent among all adult family members constantly maintained. In the case of differences, discrepancies child can not accommodate the requirements to learn certain rules to get used to the discipline / she gets used to demand his provoking adults confrontational relationship.
Even if a parent does not agree with the opinion of other, better discuss the situation which has developed in the absence of the child and reach a compromise.
Equally important is consistency in the rules and requirements. It is important to understand that despite the small age and experience, the child always feels adults "strength" and sees only what can not be "deformity", otherwise learns to insist, demand, whine, cry.
The fifth rule
Tone, who reportedly requirement or prohibition should be friendly rather than notation, policymakers. Any prohibition desired is a difficult test for the child, and if the ban expressed angry or imperious tone, the exam becomes doubly difficult. It is not necessary to question the son or daughter, "Why not?" Answer: "Because I said so!", "Can not it!" Appropriate to briefly explain: "It's dangerous," "It's getting late," "You can hurt others and ourselves. " Explanations should be brief, clear, understandable and repeated only once. If a child constantly asks "Why not?", Then it's not because she did not understand, but the fact that it is difficult to overcome their willingness or unwillingness to obey.
It is useful to discuss in advance with your child performance regulations and requirements recalling them and alerting potential difficulties. In such cases, parents mission - to be a child assistants in the performance of voluntary commitments and not strict observers.
There is a high possibility that compliance with these simple rules adult education enrich their relationship with the child valuable experience conflict-discipline.
Every child does gladly two things: it either works with parents, or resists. (And, both allowing the child to remain in the spotlight - and this is very important for her.) Therefore, the question of discipline is solved very simply, from an early age to behave so that the child understood: it profitable to cooperate with you.
Moreover, any child obeys, not because she was born so deliberate.
Children listen to us when they see that they will benefit from it, or know what "crime" goes punishment. All other options except the game does not work.